Let’s All Surrender
Our Weapons – -
You First!
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by Ann Coulter
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April 8th, 2009
ANNCOULTER.COM
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The rash of recent shooting
incidents has led people
who wouldn’t know an
AK-47 from a paintball gun
to issue demands for more
restrictions on guns.
To be sure,
it’s hard to find any factor
in these shootings that
could be responsible —
other than the gun.
So far,
this year’s public multiple
shootings were committed
by:
– Richard Poplawski, 23,
product of a broken family,
expelled from high school
and dishonorably discharged
from the Marines,
who killed three policemen
in Pittsburgh.
– Former crack addict
Jiverly Wong, 41,
who told co-workers “
America sucks” yet somehow
was not offered a job as a
speechwriter for Barack Obama.
Wong blockaded his victims
in a civic center in Binghamton,
N.Y., and shot as many people
as he could,
before killing himself.
– Robert Stewart, 45,
a three-time divorcee and
high school dropout with
“violent tendencies” —
according to one of his
ex-wives —
who shot up the nursing
home in Carthage, N.C.,
where his newly estranged
wife worked.
– Lovelle Mixon, 26,
a paroled felon, struggling
to get his life back on track
by pimping,
who shot four cops in
Oakland, Calif. —
before eventually
being shot himself.
– Twenty-eight-year-old
Michael McLendon,
child of divorce, living with
his mother and boycotting
family funerals because
he hated his relatives,
who killed 10 of those relatives
and their neighbors
in Samson, Ala.
It might make more sense
to outlaw men than guns.
Or divorce.
Or crack.
Or to prohibit felons
from having guns.
Except we already outlaw
crack and felons owning
guns and yet still,
somehow,
Wong got crack and
Mixon got a gun.
After being pulled over
for a routine traffic violation,
Lovelle Mixon did exactly what
they teach in driver’s ed by
immediately shooting four cops.
Mixon’s supporters held a
posthumous rally in his honor,
claiming he shot the cops
only in “self-defense,”
which I take it includes the
cop Mixon shot while the
officer was lying on the ground.
I guess Mixon also raped
that 12-year-old girl in
“self-defense.”
Clearly, the pimping
industry has lost a good man.
I wish I’d known him.
I tip my green velvet fedora
with the dollar signs all
over it to him.
Why do the good ones
always die young?
Pimps,
I mean.
Liberals tolerate rallies
on behalf of cop-killers,
but they prohibit law-abiding
citizens working at community
centers in Binghamton, N.Y.,
from being armed to defend
themselves from disturbed,
crack-addicted America-haters
like Jiverly Wong.
It’s something in liberals’ DNA:
They think they can pass a
law eliminating guns and
nuclear weapons,
but teenagers having sex
is completely beyond
our control.
The demand for more gun
control in response to any
crime involving a gun is
exactly like Obama’s response
to North Korea’s openly
belligerent act of launching
a long-range missile this week:
Obama leapt to action by
calling for worldwide
nuclear disarmament.
If the SAT test were used
to determine how stupid
a liberal is,
one question would be:
“The best defense against
lawless rogues who
possess _______ is for
law-abiding individuals
to surrender their
own _______________.”
Correct answer:
Guns.
We would also have
accepted nuclear weapons.
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Obama explained that
“the United States has
a moral responsibility”
to lead disarmament efforts
because America is
“the only nuclear power
to have used a nuclear weapon.”
So don’t go feeling all
morally superior to a country
whose business model
consists of exporting heroin,
nuclear bombs and counterfeit
U.S. dollars,
and of importing Swedish
prostitutes,
you yahoo Americans with
your little flag lapel pins.
On the other hand,
the Japanese haven’t acted
up much in the last,
say, 64 years …
Fortunately,
our sailors didn’t wait around
for Obama to save them when
Somali pirates boarded
their ship this week.
Stop right now or I’ll ask
the U.N. to remind the
“international community”
that “the U.S. is not at war
with Somali pirates.”
Gun-toting Americans are
clearly more self-sufficient
than the sissy Europeans.
This is great news for
everyone except Barney Frank,
who’s always secretly wondered
what it would be like to be
taken by a Somali pirate.
Police —
whom I gather liberals intend
to continue having guns —
and intrepid U.N. resolution
drafters can’t be everywhere,
all the time.
If a single civilian in that
Binghamton community
center had been armed,
instead of 14 dead,
there might have only
been one or two —
including the shooter.
In the end,
the cops didn’t stop Wong.
His killing spree ended only
when he decided to stop,
and he killed himself.
“The shooter will eventually
run out of ammo” strategy may
not be the best one for
stopping deranged multiple
murderers.
But it’s highly unlikely that
any community center in the
entire state would be safe
from a disturbed former
crack-addict like Wong
because New York’s restrictive
gun laws require a citizen to
prove he has a need for a gun
to obtain a concealed
carry permit.
Instead of having
Planned Parenthood distribute
condoms in schools,
they ought to get the NRA
to pass out revolvers.
It would
save more lives.
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